Subject: [rtcweb] draft-ietf-rtcweb-overview-09 Review

From: Colton Shields <[email-masked]>
Date: Mon, 16 Jun 2014 10:00:07 -0600

Here is my review of the Overview: Real Time Protocols for
Browser-based Applications draft-ietf-rtcweb-overview-09. Please take
into consideration my suggestions.

Thanks
- -Colton

Section 3 Paragraph 1

I am a native English speaker and I had to look up the definition of
"envisage". Drafts should be written in the plainest language
possible, to make it easier for everyone to understand.

"The model of real-time support for browser-based applications does
   not envisage that the browser will contain all the functions that
   need to be performed in order to have a function such as a telephone
   or a video conferencing unit;"

I suggest replacing "envisage" with one of the following
	- suppose
	- assume

Section 3 Paragraph 5

"Existing protocols (for example SIP or XMPP) could be used between
servers..."

In case the reader is not familiar with SIP or XMPP, the draft should
link to these protocols. Just like it does with other protocols.
Especially since the next paragraphs provide an example of SIP and
XMPP. If the reader does not understand how SIP or XMPP work they
could get confused. Providing links gives them a resource to
learn how those protocols work.

SIP RFC 3261
http://www.ietf.org/rfc/rfc3261.txt

XMPP RFC 3920
http://www.ietf.org/rfc/rfc3920.txt

Spelling error in the Title

Title should say "Browser-based" rather than "Brower-based"

---

From: Harald Alvestrand <[email-masked]>
Date: Mon, 16 Jun 2014 21:56:18 +0200

Thank you for the review!

It is very timely, since I'm looking to revise this now based on other
reviews.
I will take care of the stuff you point out at the same time - thanks
for making such specific suggestions!

On 06/16/2014 06:00 PM, Colton Shields wrote:
> -Colton
> _______________________________________________
> rtcweb mailing list
> [email-masked]
> https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/rtcweb

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